Before I met you I thought I'd be a good parent.
Before I met you I thought I would do what my parents did for me and raise my children to be good people.
Before I met you I was filled with the promise of what you might someday become.
Before I met you I hoped I could raise you to have the best qualities I posses, and the rest would be from your dad, so you would grow up like him.
Before I met you I didn't presume that parenting would be easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard.
I realize now I am not a good parent. I apparently am the worst kind. The kind that makes you think you don't have to be nice to me, or to your father or brother, the kind that has taught you that it is okay to lie, the kind that allows you to do whatever you want with no consequences, the kind that is so selfish that I never take your best interest into consideration, the kind that does not lead by example, the kind that does not invest enough time teaching you how to be a good person made up of goals, dreams, responsibilities, obligations, expectations and morals.
I am the worst kind. I am the kind that loves too much, expects too much, cares too much.
How the heck did I think I knew even for one second what I was doing?
Because I obviously failed. I gave it my all. I have tried everything I know how to do.
I even tried the hardest thing of all and that is to just let you be.
I got your report card. It wasn't pretty. I went to conferences, it was worse. I went on tv to show the world how proud I am of you. I couldn't. I can't lie. I am not proud. I am appalled. I am scared. I am sad. I am disappointed. I am frustrated. I am heartbroken.
I just got my report card as a parent. I suck, too. I will not continue to enable you. I have to let go.
So, you tell me you want more control over your life?
Okay, so take it. Do it your way. Do it for you. If you want nothing out of life, who am I to tell you that is wrong. You will be loved (always). You will be prayed for (always). There will be hope (always).
"When you love something set it free....if it returns to you, it is yours forever, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with."