I like to share. Okay, "over" share even, just ask my family. Lately I feel the need to pass along what I have learned. To anyone. People I meet at events, those in line behind me at the grocery store, my kids, their friends, you name it, I share.
I'm sorry. I can't seem to stop myself.
Last night I dreamed all night, and it was a recurring dream of sorts. I was attempting to accomplish something and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite get there. Every time I woke up and fell back asleep (which seemed like several dozen times) the dream would continue, but not in the same setting. It ended with the same results though, frustration, exhaustion, and impatience that I couldn't quite make whatever "it" was, happen.
In the various scenarios, I attempted to gain control over the speed and precision at which things in my dreams happened. I remember being on some kind of water ride, and if it went too fast around the corners, I saw that I might go over the edge and fall into the unknown. That fear, made me attempt to slow things down and to proceed with caution. But you can't really slow down a water ride, so when my attempts failed, and was I heading toward the edge, I'd wake up.
My subconscious has a funny way of getting back to its point though. I'd fall back asleep, and the dream would pick up at another place. I remember trekking across a college campus, rushing through crowds of people to get to the community shower, frustrated that people kept stopping me. I knew it was crucial to get in line quickly for my turn, or else I'd have to face what came next looking a mess. Once I arrived, I discovered that I had not only forgotten all my clothes, but the line for the shower wound halfway back across campus.
It makes me think now that I am on the verge of figuring out my next step, but can't quite see it yet. That frustrates me, as I have always been a planner. I like to see the future, the end goal. I like to know where I am going. Realistically I know that it is not always possible to see where your path leads.
I awoke this morning with a clear thought.
I am ready to start a new blog. The name of this one, no longer feels like a good fit.
Maybe, just maybe, Terri has finally grown up. So begins my new attempt to venture out with no plan, to navigate by gut instinct and stop trying to control my speed. I'm going to listen to my dreams, and let myself fall over the edge to see where life takes me.
What are your dreams telling you?