Thanks to my dear friend Gayle for reminding me of this passage, and for loaning me her book so long ago.
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations—Let it all go. Save your strength to swim with the tide. The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go. Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders. Take this on faith: the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.—Danna Faulds, From Go In and In/ Poems from the Heart of Yoga
I recently wrote a post about letting go and have been doing my best to do just that.
To let go.
But somehow crap keeps slapping me in the face, throwing me off balance, and my quills are suddenly raised. (Did you read the quote above?) This is not a good thing, as instantly my positive mojo poofs. And the negative energy begins to grow and the beating myself up begins.
I am sharing this because I need to let go the negative. And I've found in the sharing, I find the strength to do that, piece by piece.
I am my own worst critic. Heck, I take things personally. I self motivate and self monitor.
So, in my heart I know that I am a person of value, that I bring something to the table and that somewhere there is a place for me. But, in my head, I cannot stop the second guessing.
What have I not done, what am I missing, what am I doing wrong? How can they not see the me I know I am?
Is my vision of myself so different from what those who criticize, question and second guess the very core of me, see?
I hope not.
I'm beginning to realize that perhaps it isn't me, it is them. They are the ones who need to step back and take a look at the direction they are going, at how their words and actions are perceived, and what is at their core.
I know what is at mine.
I am a person with a plan. A goal. A path. A list. Always.
Well, until now.
What lies before me is unclear. It's a grey area.
I have never been good without knowing the next step. Grey areas are not my thing. I want a plan. A next move. A direction. A step forward.
And did I mention that patience is not one of my virtues?
Good things happen to good people. Good things happen to good people. Good things happen to good people. My new mantra.
I know this. I believe this. And, I have come to realize that I am not the only one out there who is a bit lost.
Many of us are trying to determine "What do I really want to be When I Grow Up? "
The knowing that I am not alone, is a huge comfort.
Let's keep telling ourselves that the possibilities are endless. That we are worthy. That our next step is right around the corner.
Transformation, here I come. Oops, I mean here we come.