It is uncanny how many times the DailyOM message that arrives via my inbox strikes a very relevant chord in me. The post that I reprinted below was one I really needed to hear.
There has been a bit of anger in our house lately, between different combinations of people and for different reasons, and possibly for no obvious reason at all. It has surfaced between sister and brother, between Sadie and me, between mother and son, and father and son.
I believe that a misunderstanding or an argument saps strength from us, and weighs heavily on our minds even if we might not realize it. You know, the familiar I-can't-sleep-feeling. Or I feel blah. While the inner feelings that sometimes trigger that argument can be buried deep, so deep a person might not even know where they came from, it doesn't stop them from popping to the surface when you least expect. And once they do, things can get really muddled up. Stuff gets said, people jump to conclusions, or sometimes, just end up shutting you out.
I wish I could be understanding all the time, but the truth is, I am not. I am far from perfect when angry or bothered. I rush in with words, when maybe what I should really do is open my ears and listen. Sometimes the message I hear is clear, and other times, not so much. My instinct to rush in to help, to make it better, isn't always what is needed. Might be you just needed to talk, and be listened to.
It's so hard to know when to help and when to just listen. Good thing is, there will be a next time to do better.
I'm listening now.
DailyOM May 6, 2011
Stepping Back From Anger
The emotional trigger that begins an argument may have little to do with your present situation, but has dug up a wound.
When we find ourselves in an argument, we may feel like we are losing control of emotions that have taken on lives of their own. When we can become aware that this is happening, taking a deep breath can help us step back from the situation. Once we can separate ourselves from the heat of the moment, we may find that the emotional trigger that began the argument has little to do with the present situation, but may have brought up feelings related to something else entirely. Looking honestly at what caused our reaction allows us to consciously respond more appropriately to the situation and make the best choices.
We can make an agreement with our partners and those closest to us that asking questions can help all of us discover the source of the argument. The shared awareness can result in finding simple solutions to something physical, like low blood sugar or even a hormonal surge. Maybe we are taking ourselves too seriously, and we can just laugh and watch the tension dissolve. We could also discover that perhaps we are addicted to the excitement that drama brings and the chemicals that our body creates when we are angry. But there may be a deeper issue that requires discussion, understanding, and patience. The more we allow ourselves to step back and examine our reasons for arguing, the easier it becomes to allow real feelings to surface and guide us toward solutions that improve our lives.
When we can be clear about our feelings and intentions and communicate them clearly, we have a far better chance of getting what we want than if we lose control or allow our subconscious minds to manipulate the situation. We might take our frustrations out on the people closest to us because we feel safe and comfortable with them, but misplaced anger can cause more harm than good. Arguing for what we truly believe can empower us and help us to direct our passions toward greater life experiences. Truly knowing our reasons for arguing enables us to grow emotionally in ways that will affect our whole being.
Courtesy of : DailyOM