Are you a fixer?
When I come face to face with a problem, my first reaction is to try to find a solution. To fix it.
I've come to realize that it might not always be the right reaction. And in some cases, the situation may be impossible to fix.
I have spent the last 11 years at the same company. In those 11 years, I have attempted to make a difference in the company, in the company's bottom line, and to those I work with. But I have recently realized that despite my efforts, it is a losing battle.
In the scheme of this company, one person cannot change a tide.
After sleepless nights, and countless arguments within myself, I have come to the conclusion that I have given it my best effort.
I have in essence, failed. Big time.
Surprisingly I have no regrets. I have done my best to do what I think is the right thing, only to realize since no one is in support of my ideas, it really isn't going to make the kind of difference I want to make.
And even as I repeat to myself, Let it go. Let it go. Let it go, I begin the second guessing. The what ifs---the what could have beens.
Do you do that, too?
Or is it just me?
If there is a problem in my life, I tend to be tenacious about fixing it. And it tends to affect me deeply when I fail. It saps my self confidence, my usual unshakable belief in myself.
Looking back over my life, there have been many things that I have succeeded at, and very few that I have failed at. It makes me a little frustrated, a lot sad, and maybe a bit mad that this job is one of them.
I totally get stuck in the what could-have-beens. And the what should-have-beens.
So, how do you deal with the what ifs in your life?
Do you second guess yourself? Get frustrated? Does it throw you into a tailspain and make you lose your focus when you realize that you cannot facilitate the changes you know are necessary?
Like it does to me.
From every experience, success or failure, there comes something positive. I think the most positive thing I learned from this experience is that I gave it my best shot. And I failed. And there is no shame in that. It is okay. Some things are just out of my control.
If at the end of the day you still believe in yourself and in what you tried to do, then you can step away with your head held high, knowing that some things, will never change.
And there is freedom in the knowledge that it is time to give up, move on, and find your real place.
In my case, you might even say that in the acceptance of what isn't, is a new understanding of what is. Ideas. Possibilities. Potential.
And now... well now, the possibilities are endless. There is a certain freedom that comes in the letting go.
If you find yourself stuck in whatever it is, take the time to really examine your place. Are you making the kind of difference you want to make? Is there frustration in the not being able to accomplish what you know should be accomplished?
If so, let it go. And see where the journey takes you.
That is what I intend to do.
And so far, the possibilities have surprised me.