This Type A person likes things neat, orderly and organized.
I've admitted that I am a lister, a planner, okay, a seriously Type A personality. So it stands to reason that when things don't go as planned, I'm thrown off balance.
That's what happened to me this week. It started off by learning about the death of a fellow climber, Corey who was not much older than my oldest son. Shocking, sad, scary. And such a waste of a young and talented life. It sent me reeling.
It was followed by Stormaggedon, the Blizzard of 2011, and all the hype. Yes, I shopped for extra groceries.
Then there was a little outpatient surgery planned in the early am on Blizzard Wednesday. A girl thing. The technical term is an endometrial ablation, procedure code 58563. "The best thing ever," according to pretty much everyone on staff at the hospital and the doctor's office who've had one. Not to mention all my friends who have also had this done.
So I went into this procedure with no fear, only excitement for how my life would change. For once, I did not prepare myself for the worst. Oops.
It happens to everyone right? The moment when your best laid plans, go poof. One moment you are on course, and then next you've capsized and are floundering and unsure of your next move. It is not a feeling I have ever embraced.
So, I woke up from my surgery, thinking as most people would that it was over, I made it through, awesome. But my husband's face, although relived to see me awake, did not send me the same message.
"They didn't do it, honey." The fuziness in my brain took a few seconds to catch up to those words. What do you mean they didn't do it? Why? What did they do then? I'm waking up in a different room, I don't remember anything after kissing you goodbye....
"Things didn't go as planned and they punctured a small hole in your uterus and could not proceed with the rest of the surgery. It failed."
Failed? Oh, it failed. Wait.....failed?
That wasn't one of my possible outcomes. I didn't go in with the thought that this might fail, like I sometimes do. I usually prepare for the worst, so whatever happens I can deal with it. I didn't this time. And I wasn't prepared for my reaction: instant tears, bitter disappointment, and yes, a wash of anger. Why me, why this? And then the inevitable....it's not fair.
In retrospect, it probably wasn't fair. But it had to happen to someone, it just chose me. I cried so hard I gave myself a headache. No way around it, this just sucked.
I should've stayed in bed.
So what does this Type A personality do when life throws her a curve ball?
I took a nap and then woke up to my cell phone ringing next to me on the bed. It was a customer, she called the office but there was only a skeleton crew there because of the storm, she had a paper question for me.
Thank you, Gretchen!
Life goes on. This too shall pass. Get over yourself.
Everyone encounters failure. It is a fact of life. Some things are under your control and others are not. This one was not. I did what I was told, I prepared myself physically, I stopped eating and drinking after midnight, I didn't use any strong scented lotions after my morning shower, but in the end, things were out of my control.
But I am one of the lucky ones. I am alive. I am loved. I am healthy. I will heal. I will go on.
I have an awesome group of family and friends. They know just what to say and when to give a hug. I know that in the end, everything will be okay.
Just not what I expected.