Happy New Year Greetings!

The end of a year always allows me a chance for retrospection and then with that, the opportunity to loosely shape the new year to come. While we cannot plan out our year, nor see the obstacles or the joys coming our way, we can set the parameters for the direction we’d like it to move. All year long I wrote down words in my daily journal that felt right to consider for the selection process. None of those actually ended up being one of my Three words for 2023, but the process helped me narrow my list. After much internal debate I have arrived at the three words I need to shape my new year.

Confidence- full trust, belief in the powers, belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; certitude

Synergy- the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual contributions

Reach- to get to or get as far as in moving, going, traveling; to come to or arrive at in some course of progress, action; (v)to make a stretch; (n)the extent or distance of reaching

In a nutshell: I wish to move forward with confidence in my writing abilities and in myself, to put all the parts of myself together into a whole that makes a greater impact, and to trust that my words, my book (and my girls) will fly as far and wide as they are meant to.

I considered so many other words that felt right to maintain this life I love and do not need a vacation from. Words like streamline, peace, and health, and yet to truly grow, I feel the need to stretch myself. I chose my words for 2023 with the hope I will continue to find joy and peace in every day, and yet still be brave enough to share more of my true self.

If you want help finalizing your words, or understanding more about the three word process, please reach out.

Cheers to a strong & successful 2023. ♥

Dragonflies symbolize transformation. If one lands on you, plan for change.

Terri’s Take: What I’ve Learned (So Far)

Terri Spaulding — Reposted from October 9, 2013

Bottom line: I had the power all along, I just didn’t believe in myself.

When Alana asked me to write a blog post about where my journey of self-discovery has led me in the last year, I was happy for the green light to reflect. What would I uncover and consider worthy of sharing with others?

To boil it down to what has changed the most, I’d say I am no longer in denial. Denial of what I really wanted out of life, denial that I was out of alignment, denial that I was in need of loving myself for who I truly am, and denial that I needed to heal myself first before I could help anyone around me.

I made the mistake most people make as they begin their transformation to the person they are meant to be, I began by focusing outward and looking toward an end goal (what do I want to be when I grow up?) as the solution to my problems. What I discovered I really needed most was to be still, to focus inward, and to listen to what my inner voice was telling me.

A problem solver by nature I assumed the “problem” was something I could fix, something I could control. I discovered the “problem” was  actually my thinking that. Somewhere along the course of my 50 years on this earth I gave in to my basic fear that someone would deem me not enough and so I attempted to make sure that never happened. As a result I became an organized, type A, stressed-out control freak who felt compelled to accomplish 24/7.

Months of digging into me, uncovering both the ugly and beautiful parts of myself, is what helped me arrive at my current place of peace and joy. And conversely what encourages me to never stop learning or growing. I have great respect and admiration for those who are farther along in their journey than I am. In learning to accept myself I have faced my fears, purposefully pushed past my comfort zone to open my heart and learned there is no shame in asking for help. I recognize this growing process will be a forever kind of thing for me, and it will never be done.

What do I do differently now?

I enjoy the ride. I appreciate the beautiful things around me. I’ve given up worrying about the final destination or the fastest way to get where I want to go. Lately detours and wrong turns have proven to give me exactly what I needed for clarity toward the next step.

I let my life unfold. I stopped attempting to control everything and everyone around me and have allowed my life to flow naturally. It is so much easier.

I sit in stillness. I learned how to tune into my natural intuition and I now use it to guide me. This alone has helped me move out of my head and into my heart (this is still a daily practice as deep thinking is part of my DNA.)

I think positive. I not only think positively, I believe in its power. I let go of the things that no longer matter. I make time to be still.

I am filled with gratitude. I find meaning and beauty in the serenity of every day moments. I am thankful for this life and look forward to all the lessons I still have to learn.

I believe in me.  And I have come to recognize that I alone have the power to change my life. And so do you.

And in case you need a reminder: you had the power all along my dear..

It is no secret to anyone that I meditate. Lately though I've been choosing quality over quantity, as I am very picky about the spaces I choose to meditate. Outdoors is by far my favorite setting and in the warmer months there is a little spot that calls to me up north by my cottage.

Meditation has proven to be a lifesaver for me. I realize now how many years I spent ignoring my inner voice and suppressing my intuition, even going so far as to dismiss early signs in my own body of an imbalance or potential problem. It's a common thing, especially for women. Often times we put the needs of others, our families our spouses, even our careers ahead of our own physical and spiritual needs. By the time we get our 'to do' list done, there is no energy left to direct inward. If meditation is suggested before a Type A like me even  understands how to slow down, fledgling attempts to relax and meditate are met with sleep. (As was often the case for me in the early days of yoga classes, shavashana equaled power nap.)

Embracing down time and creating opportunities and space to tune in and to let my mind wander without specific goals has allowed me to have a greater understanding of my body, of my thought patterns, and has reconnected me with my positive and supportive inner voice. In the spaces between my thoughts, I have found the real me. 

The real me is much more aware of unhealthy patterns now. A week ago I posed a question to myself during my meditation time asking why I had stalled on my writing efforts. Writing is important to me and my biggest creative goal is to write a book (or three).

Here is the internal conversation that ensued.

Me: Why am I not motivated to write?

Inner Me: I sense that I am on a precipice. It is higher than I am normally comfortable with. I am distracting myself from taking the next step because I am scared. The next step isn't clear. It requires courage, belief, trust and means total vulnerability.

Me: What if I write what I need/want to and no one reads it?

Inner Me: Does it really matter?

Me: I have written a lot that no one has even read.  Do you think it would get me unstuck if I just get the words out--with no expectation they will go anywhere?

Inner Me: What do you think? If you thought the wisdom you'd gained would help someone else, wouldn't you share it? Of course you would.

Me: So there is my answer, right?

Inner Me: Write it and share it. If it helps someone, or if someone likes your words or your writing style, it may lead to the next step.

Me: What if I am not sure of my audience?

Inner Me: Does it really matter? Again, if you thought someone (an unnamed, unidentified person) could learn from you being courageous and sharing your words, would you share them? Of course you would. So don't worry about your audience. Write from your soul. The accomplished writers always say to write what you know. So, write what you know. Trust the rest will happen as it is supposed to.

Me: Anything else I need to know?

Inner Me: You are loved.

Me: Thank you. So are you. Appreciate the help. Perhaps now I just need to Get Off Go.

Meditation can be different every time you tune in. That is why it is a practice and we approach it with no expectations, only patience and space. I will say after years of dialogue in my head with a mean inner voice who always found me lacking, I am happy to connect with this supportive, helpful and loving side. No matter where it takes me, my focused inward time during meditation always brings me back to a peaceful place--and shines a welcoming light on the next step in front of me.

Which now that I think about it --- is very helpful when you are on a precipice.

I spent yesterday cleaning -- and I don't mean just the surface layer kind of house cleaning. I cleaned cupboards, countertops, closets, and drawers. The kind of cleaning I don't do enough of because it creates an even bigger mess in the house as I move from one room, one floor or one cupboard to the next emptying, sorting, stacking, restacking, and discarding "crap".

So much built up junk, where does it even come from?

In the course of my cleaning I ran across the new year's resolutions I made last January. I had intentionally kept my list simple so that maybe for once in my life I wouldn't feel as though I failed when I only accomplished a small portion of it.

I only made only two resolutions last year and one was just a word, call it a year long intention, that I would apply to all areas of my life. (I'm thinking after my experience yesterday that you wouldn't know it by the state of my cupboards and closets) but my word was to SIMPLIFY.

And, I have, in so many areas of my life. I scaled back on my possessions, my commitments, my responsibilities, my worries, my expectations of myself and others, everything I could simplify about my life I attempted. In doing so I gained a sense of freedom, an internal calm "space"  that made room for a whole lot of personal clarity. That clarity gave me the energy to tackle some things I secretly had been beating myself up about.

And all that led me to this week's question.

Question of the Week #48 / What Have You Done Differently This Past Year That You Are Proud Of?

I want you to reflect and focus on the things you managed to do differently this year, and not what you didn't get to.  For some of us that isn't easy as I immediately feel the need to tell you the resolution I did not accomplish-- clearly I have some personal work yet to do there... (Resolution number two was to cook more and to create another recipe book --- and that is definitely not happening in 2013).

Personally what makes me so proud it completely overshadows any niggling thoughts about what I didn't get to... is my personal growth in the last year, specifically my spiritual growth.

So take a moment to reflect on what you are proud of so far this year about yourself and your own growth. Then realize you still have one more month of this year to go...there is still time to take a step or two forward---if you feel you need to. Finish the year with some pride in your heart for yourself, I promise it feels really good.

Here is what I have done differently in 2013 that I am most proud of.

• I faced my fear of failure and tried many things that pushed me out of my safe zone. Like substitute teaching where there were new, completely different and not well defined rules in every classroom I walked into. (Talk about leaping out of your comfort zone).
• I was able to take control of the mean voice inside and allow myself to make mistakes, change my mind, say "no" to other people's requests and ask for help, after first admitting that I had self inflicted wounds I needed to heal from.
• I gave up the worry that ate me up inside and in its place I was able to cultivate so much gratitude for everything around me, especially my connection to nature and trees and water, that I was able to reclaim my spiritual side.
• I stopped attempting to control my world and gave in to allowing it to happen. Thus experiencing for maybe the first time since I was a kid, the sense of living life with ease and joy, the sense of floating with the current instead of paddling against it.

My friends I encourage you to Reflect. Recharge. Begin anew if necessary, and reclaim your personal pride and power. Today is a new day filled with endless possibilities.

Namaste.

Dragonflies symbolize transformation. If one lands on you, plan for change.

Terri’s Take: What I’ve Learned (So Far)

Terri Spaulding — Reposted from October 9, 2013

Bottom line: I had the power all along, I just didn’t believe in myself.

When Alana asked me to write a blog post about where my journey of self-discovery has led me in the last year, I was happy for the green light to reflect. What would I uncover and consider worthy of sharing with others?

To boil it down to what has changed the most, I’d say I am no longer in denial. Denial of what I really wanted out of life, denial that I was out of alignment, denial that I was in need of loving myself for who I truly am, and denial that I needed to heal myself first before I could help anyone around me.

I made the mistake most people make as they begin their transformation to the person they are meant to be, I began by focusing outward and looking toward an end goal (what do I want to be when I grow up?) as the solution to my problems. What I discovered I really needed most was to be still, to focus inward, and to listen to what my inner voice was telling me.

A problem solver by nature I assumed the “problem” was something I could fix, something I could control. I discovered the “problem” was  actually my thinking that. Somewhere along the course of my 50 years on this earth I gave in to my basic fear that someone would deem me not enough and so I attempted to make sure that never happened. As a result I became an organized, type A, stressed-out control freak who felt compelled to accomplish 24/7.

Months of digging into me, uncovering both the ugly and beautiful parts of myself, is what helped me arrive at my current place of peace and joy. And conversely what encourages me to never stop learning or growing. I have great respect and admiration for those who are farther along in their journey than I am. In learning to accept myself I have faced my fears, purposefully pushed past my comfort zone to open my heart and learned there is no shame in asking for help. I recognize this growing process will be a forever kind of thing for me, and it will never be done.

What do I do differently now?

I enjoy the ride. I appreciate the beautiful things around me. I’ve given up worrying about the final destination or the fastest way to get where I want to go. Lately detours and wrong turns have proven to give me exactly what I needed for clarity toward the next step.

I let my life unfold. I stopped attempting to control everything and everyone around me and have allowed my life to flow naturally. It is so much easier.

I sit in stillness. I learned how to tune into my natural intuition and I now use it to guide me. This alone has helped me move out of my head and into my heart (this is still a daily practice as deep thinking is part of my DNA.)

I think positive. I not only think positively, I believe in its power. I let go of the things that no longer matter. I make time to be still.

I am filled with gratitude. I find meaning and beauty in the serenity of every day moments. I am thankful for this life and look forward to all the lessons I still have to learn.

I believe in me.  And I have come to recognize that I alone have the power to change my life. And so do you.

And in case you need a reminder: you had the power all along my dear.

- See more at: http://www.alanamokma.com/terris-take-what-ive-learned-so-far/#sthash.49eLG5Ag.dpuf

You and I know each other.

Imagine you see me in the hallway at work, or we run into each other at the grocery store, maybe we find ourselves standing next to each other in the food line at a networking event. I smile in greeting and say "Hi, how are you?"

And you answer something like: "Fine" or "I'm good" or "Doing okay, how are you?"

I can't help but think that kind of exchange is really a waste of breath. Mine and yours. But we do it all the time, don't we? You might have even done it already today. Two or three times in fact.

Why do we answer quickly and not stop to think about how we really feel in that moment? How much better would it be if my question was "How are you feeling today?" and your answer reflected what was actually happening inside of you, instead of a polite deflection back to me?

What if you were able to run through a mental list of descriptor words and choose one to represent what you were feeling in that moment and share that with me. I am feeling powerful. I am distressed. I feel guilty. I am jittery. I am afraid. Or I am hopeful.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we all were able to pause, think, search for a word that fits how we are feeling in the present moment and share it, every time we are asked?

Now that would be living life in the present, with intention and mindfulness.

So why don't we?

• It's easier to pretend, right? Just saying you are fine, when inside your world could be crashing down or cartwheeling away from you, is quicker and easier.
• Are we ever really sure if the person asking wants to know or is just being polite?  Sometimes when I give an honest answer I end up feeling like a dork after I realize the person isn't really interested and now I just shared way too much information.
• It's scary sometimes isn't it? To acknowledge that life isn't going well. It's way easier to share the happy stuff --the 'I'm feeling great moments'---everyone understands when you say "I'm great." But when you say: "I'm scared." "I'm stressed." "I'm so confused."  Those make people unsure and uncomfortable, especially when they were expecting an "I'm fine, how are you?" in return.

So most times we avoid saying how we really feel. We might actually even avoid thinking about how we really feel.

What if it were perfectly acceptable for you to say how you really felt every time you answered someone? What if we had the luxury of time to really listen to someone's answer, and to also dig deeper into the feeling just expressed? What if we had time to ask why?

I believe we would not only help ourselves by alleviating the burden we carry around inside ourselves, but we could help each other.

Feelings come from experiences. Sharing the experiences out loud, and honestly allows the individual sharing-- a chance to process through the situation-- to get in touch with their emotions, and with themselves. A listener then has the opportunity to be a sounding board, a source of new strength and support, and offer a much-needed new perspective. And they have the opportunity to learn from the person sharing.

In my ideal world people ask the question 'How are you (feeling)' because they genuinely want to know the answer. And people train themselves to give a thoughtful (and truthful) response in answer.

There is great power in a shared feeling -- whether it is a good or bad one. How often have you been uplifted simply by learning about someone else's joy? Or made aware of a situation or a previously unknown issue when someone shared their heartache? Increased empathy, sympathy, inspiration and understanding are just a few of the possible outcomes after someone answers a 'How are you' question with both thought and honesty. A real conversation can sometimes lead people to think: "If you can get through this thing that you are dealing with, then I can definitely get through what I am dealing with." "I am not alone." "You are not alone." "Life is awesome when things are truly going great."  A real conversation may set someone on a new path.

To me that kind of honest sharing is powerful stuff.

How Are You Really Feeling? / The Question of the Week #23

And yes I really want to know right now in this present moment a word that describes how you are currently feeling. My challenge to you is to ask someone else how they are really feeling today. If it goes well for you, then ask again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Hey change has to start somewhere...

And to be honest, I'd really like to be asked how I am feeling. So, pretending that you did (just ask me that is), my answer is: I am feeling favorable.

Favorable: characterized by approval or support; positive; creating or winning favor; pleasing; affording advantage, opportunity, or convenience; advantageous; boding well.

And, thanks for asking.

It's been ten weeks since the start of the new year. What the heck was I thinking when I decided to do a question of the week? I first thought I wanted to do a question of the day--and my family is extremely happy I came to my senses and nixed that plan. Can you imagine? It is hard enough for me to have time to write-up a blog post for Question of the Week, let alone one a day. Every Thursday I experience what my boys call stressed out Thursday. Believe me, it isn't pretty. And, it isn't because I can't think of anything to say, it is because I have no time to write. Ever. Who knew quitting your job meant that you'd be busier than ever?

This week I have been in a volunteer meeting for three full days and I still have a half a day left to go. It's been an experience in itself, and immediately afterwards I rush off to be the "backstage mom" at City High/Middle's Production of Annie.  It's not a chore, it is more like a debt I need to repay to the director's for changing my life in 2009.

That means there is no new question of the week, this week it is all about reflection.

Take a look at the previous nine questions I have asked, then reread your answers.  You wrote them down in a common place, right? Do you see any patterns  that you should be aware of? Does anything jump out at you?  Any commonalities you can pull out? What does it tell you about you?

Take some time to think about it. Then make some notes about your conclusions.

Here is what I see jumping out from my list of answers so far:

I notice that I like to be appreciated, to learn new things, and to make a difference.

If I had stuck with what I played when I was young, I'd be a secretary, a writer or a teacher today.

If I had time to do what I wanted, I'd keep it low-key, surrounded by "me" time to recharge, write, and hang with friends.

My dream is to work with youth, write, and collaborate with other women operating in their "sweet spots".

I cultivate quiet when I'm driving, cleaning, sleeping, relaxing in the sun or walking.

My greatest faults are that I have high expectations, am opinionated (and impatient) and like to be in control.

I'm energized by people when I am able to dig deep, when I see forward progress, and when I learn something new.

I feel that my view of who I am is mostly in line with how others see me.

I am a moderate perfectionist.

What does all that tell me? Pretty much it tells me that there is still work to be done. I am after all a work-in-progress. But each step I take gets me closer. I hope you will use this "free" week to reflect on your answers and see if you can pull out statements that begin to tell a story about you.

P.S. I'll be back to question of the week next week. Have a great weekend.

Related Posts:

My Story: Living Life Outside the Bubble

One of Life's Small Miracles