It is a sparkly new day. The last day of my mini-break. Maybe the first day I haven't felt sick since my two week hiatus started, thanks to the antibiotics I finally called in for.

In my head I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish as I embraced two weeks of "rest" from teaching classes. In the reality of Christmas and New Year's, the list stayed in my head as necessary sleep and rest, and holiday commitments slowly ate up the time. The good news is I now have a whole new year ahead to "accomplish" that internal list.

I used to get mad at myself for allowing time to get away from me, now I keep my plans loose in hopes that something spontaneous, or nothing at all with come forth. Vowing to live in the present means not following the predetermined path (or to do list) inside my head and it often leads me to places I wasn't intending to go. Sometimes those prove to be the most enjoyable learning experiences and at the end of the day allow me to sigh in appreciation and content.

I have always been a serious homebody--especially in the winter. I could stay snowed in all winter as long as I had family and wine. Playing cards, watching cheesy hallmark movies, crafting, taking naps with my grand baby, making dinner, never leaving the house for an entire weekend = heaven to me.

Sometimes I wonder if I have gone too far in the opposite direction and am too loosely planned, but then I think about the "old" me, the busy me, and I realize I never want to be her again. I don't know if it is a natural progression as I age, or just my new go with the flow philosophy, but I've noticed that too many things on the calendar overwhelm me really fast. It used to be the framework that kept me afloat and many people still expect I am going to return from my hiatus to become that person again.

In my heart, I know I am not.

I sometimes wonder, have I become lazy? Selfish? A bad friend?

Then I realize that just maybe I have finally dialed into the balance that works for me, the one that keeps me at calm and peace and allows me to respond to the unexpected situations in life rather than react like I used to. I am cautious about over committing myself and then not being able to live in the present moment as it unfolds with all its unplanned glory. I really don't like rushing or scrambling anymore. Slow and steady wins the race for me.

Balance. I once read a book that said creative and passionate people don't need balance; balance is bad. Boring. Uninspiring. That passion/talent/creativity exist in the highs and lows, and we should never simply strive for balance.

I thought about that for a long while, I even tested their theory and discovered that balance is where I thrive.

I understand achieving the perfect balance is an individual thing. No one can tell me what my prescription for wellness is, even I find myself reevaluating daily to make sure I walk that delicate line. And on the flip side, I cannot tell anyone else what their recipe for wellness is.

I can tell you without hesitation that you have all the answers you need, deep inside. And the challenge will always be in learning to listen.

It is no secret to anyone that I meditate. Lately though I've been choosing quality over quantity, as I am very picky about the spaces I choose to meditate. Outdoors is by far my favorite setting and in the warmer months there is a little spot that calls to me up north by my cottage.

Meditation has proven to be a lifesaver for me. I realize now how many years I spent ignoring my inner voice and suppressing my intuition, even going so far as to dismiss early signs in my own body of an imbalance or potential problem. It's a common thing, especially for women. Often times we put the needs of others, our families our spouses, even our careers ahead of our own physical and spiritual needs. By the time we get our 'to do' list done, there is no energy left to direct inward. If meditation is suggested before a Type A like me even  understands how to slow down, fledgling attempts to relax and meditate are met with sleep. (As was often the case for me in the early days of yoga classes, shavashana equaled power nap.)

Embracing down time and creating opportunities and space to tune in and to let my mind wander without specific goals has allowed me to have a greater understanding of my body, of my thought patterns, and has reconnected me with my positive and supportive inner voice. In the spaces between my thoughts, I have found the real me. 

The real me is much more aware of unhealthy patterns now. A week ago I posed a question to myself during my meditation time asking why I had stalled on my writing efforts. Writing is important to me and my biggest creative goal is to write a book (or three).

Here is the internal conversation that ensued.

Me: Why am I not motivated to write?

Inner Me: I sense that I am on a precipice. It is higher than I am normally comfortable with. I am distracting myself from taking the next step because I am scared. The next step isn't clear. It requires courage, belief, trust and means total vulnerability.

Me: What if I write what I need/want to and no one reads it?

Inner Me: Does it really matter?

Me: I have written a lot that no one has even read.  Do you think it would get me unstuck if I just get the words out--with no expectation they will go anywhere?

Inner Me: What do you think? If you thought the wisdom you'd gained would help someone else, wouldn't you share it? Of course you would.

Me: So there is my answer, right?

Inner Me: Write it and share it. If it helps someone, or if someone likes your words or your writing style, it may lead to the next step.

Me: What if I am not sure of my audience?

Inner Me: Does it really matter? Again, if you thought someone (an unnamed, unidentified person) could learn from you being courageous and sharing your words, would you share them? Of course you would. So don't worry about your audience. Write from your soul. The accomplished writers always say to write what you know. So, write what you know. Trust the rest will happen as it is supposed to.

Me: Anything else I need to know?

Inner Me: You are loved.

Me: Thank you. So are you. Appreciate the help. Perhaps now I just need to Get Off Go.

Meditation can be different every time you tune in. That is why it is a practice and we approach it with no expectations, only patience and space. I will say after years of dialogue in my head with a mean inner voice who always found me lacking, I am happy to connect with this supportive, helpful and loving side. No matter where it takes me, my focused inward time during meditation always brings me back to a peaceful place--and shines a welcoming light on the next step in front of me.

Which now that I think about it --- is very helpful when you are on a precipice.

Do you know what you want out of life? I presume you'd like to be happy -- most people would certainly choose being happy over being unhappy. Yet I bet you are sabotaging that happiness a little bit every day.

A few years back I was introduced to the Law of Attraction. I discounted it at first, thinking it sounded a little out there...."ask for what you want and the universe will provide it." Yeah, right....well the skeptical "yeah, right" part of my thinking was actually the only part of my thinking the universe heard. For a long time.

For example, my dream might have once been to write a book, but if I never actually wrote anything down, or ever started writing a book -- because I kept saying I didn't know where to start, the universe would give me back exactly what I was asking for in my thoughts ---confusion about where to start. So, no book.

How many times does this happen to you? You say you want one thing, only you think deep down that it will never work. Or you are stalled by a "yeah but" thought.... the kind that says it will never happen because it is only my dream-- it will never actually come true. Or I don't have enough talent or skill (or time) to do this and even if I did, no one would buy it/read it anyway. There are a multitude of ways that doubt, fear and negativity can creep in and ruin our good intentions.

Think about it this way. What if the universe gave you a response to every thought you have? That'd be sort of bad, right? I mean, we all have bad days...and bad things keep happening to us, and the next thing we know we are angry or sad and our thoughts end up in a negative place that even we aren't comfortable with.

Let's say that in this universe it is possible to get a response to every thought you send out. And negative thinking outweighs positive thinking every time. That means if you say one thing, and think another (negative) thought deep inside--the doubt, fear, criticism side will be heard and will attract that back to you.

How many times have you had a great idea, or mentioned that you really didn't like something that you were assigned to complete because it wasn't what you were good at or that you didn't like doing, only to have someone say something to the effect of: "Well we can't all do just what we want to do."

I've come to understand that is very negative thinking and just plain wrong. People say that only because they think they can't have what they want, or aren't able to do what they do easily.

But why? We actually can. But not when we don't trust in ourselves fully. The voice of doubt inside will attract exactly what you don't want--if you let it have free reign.

Question of the Week #37 / What Do You Really Want?

I encourage you to dig in and figure out what you really want...then think yourself there. Affirm it. Say it in the form of an affirmation, a positive, a now. Act as if it is truly on it's way to happening and don't let the inner doubt step up and ruin things. Success, romance, happiness, love, prosperity --- it is all within your reach. If I have learned nothing else it is that it is totally within my power to attract the life I want.

Looking for more on the subject, try reading or listening to one of these books:

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne , Ask and it is Given by Esther & Jerry Hicks, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay

Did you know that all energy vibrates at a frequency? And your thoughts and feelings are what determine your personal frequency?

Within each of us we hold the power to attract good things into our lives. And all it takes to attract good things is to think positive thoughts. Conversely, if we let our negative thoughts rule our heads, we will begin to attract negative things. Becoming aware of the patterns and paths of our innermost thinking is a key ingredient to begin steering our life in the direction of our dreams.

I do not mean to insinuate that this process is easy, far from it, in fact. From experience I have learned that it isn't easy to change old habits and thinking patterns when you are aware of them. Imagine then, how impossible it would be for those who fail to pay attention to what they are really thinking. Getting out of a negative spiral is darn near impossible if we are sabotaging ourselves with second guessing, perfectionism, doubt, fear or criticism. Staying out is even harder.

In the past when things haven't been going my way --- say a new job is stressful, an old boss just doesn't get me, or I feel out-of-place amongst a group--- things always seem to get way worse, before they get better. Little did I know that I was in control of the speed at which good things began reappearing in my life, all I needed to do was control my own thoughts.

If you attract back to you the very things you think about, then even saying negative things out loud can call more negative to you. For example:

• I hate my job. More reasons to hate it come at you.
• No one here likes me. More dislike is directed at you.
• This is ridiculous. More ridiculousness comes your way.
• I can't do this. More things you can't do come across your path.
• I don't want to be here. More reasons pile up for you to want to leave, even things you once liked about your job.

Wherever your innermost thoughts are going they send out a vibration (a frequency) that attracts more of the same. Take a look around, are things going exactly like you wish them to in your life? If not, maybe it is time to re-examine what you are actually thinking about.

Question of the Week #34/ What is your Frequency?

Are you attracting what you want into your life? Try making positive changes in the way you think and see if positive changes begin happening. If you simply pay lip service to your new thoughts and don't really believe in them, or deep down think this crap won't work --then it won't. Your negative inner voice will steal the show. So make sure you can believe what you think.

This week I had the awesome experience of leading a vision board workshop at Gilda's Club.I have never been more inspired by a group of women. While I sometimes have a hard time answering the dreaded question "Who inspires you?" I found my answer there---real, authentic, regular everyday women telling their stories, baring their souls, expressing their fears and finding hope for their future. What a moving thing for a facilitator to experience.  There is no greater feeling for me.

Once upon a time it was only in my wildest dreams that I thought I could make a living using my natural talents to help people find whole body, mind + spirit wellness. Now, with positive thinking, it has become my life. Positive thinking = positive results.

Do you wish to begin operating at a higher frequency? If so, it is never too late.