As I listened to the rain falling on the cottage roof last night at 3 am, I recalled a recent conversation with a friend. Actually several different conversations came to mind all at once because that seems to be the way my mind works.

For a moment I felt a tensing in my belly -- the spot I carry my worry -- and then just as gently as the falling rain, I let it go. I realized it was not my worry to carry. No good would come from me taking that on.

Just a few short years ago I would have allowed those conversations and the pain my friends were in to take up residence within my belly, right along with my own list of things I worried about. After laying there in the dark visualizing all the worry filled possibilities to the things on my mind, I would have eventually fallen asleep with my stomach clenched and awoke again with it still clenched, never even realizing I had allowed it to become a part of me. 

Now, through yoga and mindfulness, I have tuned into my body well enough to know when something foreign is attempting to work its way in, or when something out of my control is looking for a place to land. Thankfully I am now able to let go of what is not mine to carry. And once I do, I am at peace within my body again, and my mind is able to concentrate positively on what is right there in front of me.

The sweet sound of the rain on the roof brings me back to this present moment and I send up a grateful prayer for being safe, warm and dry on this night and then waves of appreciation begin to roll in for all that I have, and all that I am. I am thankful for this cottage and its special ability to make the world go away when I arrive here, the snoringly beautiful man beside me who chooses to love me no matter how many curve balls I throw at him, the little angel sleeping in the pack and play in the next room who I am honored to be able to help raise and call granddaughter. The list begins right there and goes on to include health and well wishes for my children who are not currently under this roof but who I pray are just as safe, for my friends who are struggling with their unique issues, for members of my family, etc.

Once I would have "worried" myself totally awake and into a racing state of mind. This time however, I am not worrying, I am at peace. I have learned to turn around/fend off "worry" into positive thoughts.  I send love, light, happiness, strength, clarity, forgiveness, peace -- whatever is needed out in big beautiful waves from my heart. I used to carry so many struggles within me (as if I had the power to do something about them). It got me one big ugly ulcer and a negativity I never want to hold inside again and did nothing helpful for the people I took them from.

Now instead of focusing on the negative, I send a shot of positive to all who need it and let the clench go, knowing this is how I keep the best version of me centered in peace. This is how I show up in their lives as a light, as a calm, positive, loving light. Or on my best days, maybe even as an inspiration.

The rain works its way back into my consciousness and I smile. Happy and content that I am where I am. Safe, loved, thankful and ready for what curve balls life throws at me next.
 

It would be no news flash to those who know me that I have worked hard in the last few months to slow my life down. And lately, I've been feeling proud.

It is a rare, yet totally satisfying feeling for me to have about myself. As I have spent many hours digging deep, I have come to recognize a never before realized inner need for quiet. For "me" time. I'm proud that I now take time to be still, to listen to what my inner voice is saying, to appreciate, to breathe, to enjoy the moment. And I am able to know when I need that time to myself.  I have worked to be more spontaneous, to stop making so many plans, to just say "no" to things that don't align with my passions.

I love that I have learned to find joy in simple things I used to walk on by.

However, I might be in need of a balance check...apparently I am so "loose" now that I failed to notice that I wore two different colored shoes to work on Wednesday. According to my sister-in-law, that's a wardrobe malfunction of the worst kind, or in hindsight a reason to only buy one color of specific pair of shoes. (Hey---they were cute, comfortable and have lasted years!)

The weird thing to me is that I didn't even notice. And neither did anyone else. So maybe in my newfound appreciation of the world around me I had better glance down at my feet once in a while, eh? This honest mistake which took place right in front of me, below me, under me --- whatever --- led me to recognize an honest mistake that many people make every day.

They expend far too much energy on things out of their control.

I know, because I used to do it, too. If you let your thoughts go in the direction of  negative things, usually worrying about someone or something, or complaining about things you cannot do anything about--- it draws even more of those negative things to you.

I have been reading up on the Law of Attraction, learning about vibration and energy, and have realized the personal power of thinking differently.

Question of the Week #32 / Do You Put Energy Toward Things You Can Do Nothing About?

As a reformed (yes, I have graduated to that status) control freak, I know how much energy it takes to worry. I know all about the need for control -- in my case it was a safety thing. I thought for some reason it was my job to keep everyone around me safe, to prevent the worst case what if's from happening, to avert my family from possible physical danger and broken hearts. It didn't work.

As you can imagine not only was I wrong to think I could do this, it was impossible. For so long, my personal energy went to things that were completely out of my control. I was wasting all the space that I could have used for thinking good things, and filling it up with worry. Now I may have done this for "right" enough reasons, but it clearly was not my place and not good for me.  Or anyone else. I was wasting energy that could have been used for so many better things.

Point being...everyone needs to cultivate some quiet time to be able to hear what they are really thinking. If the inner you is a mean critic of yourself, you are feeding negative thoughts into the world, and attracting it all back to you.

If you are thinking the Law of Attraction is a bunch of hooey (like I once did), you've read the book The Secret, tried it, and it doesn't work -- I'll share the "secret" thing you may have missed. Even if you say positive things, believe you are thinking positive, act positive to those around you-- but your inner voice is still feeding you the negative .... I'm not worthy, I am not enough, I should have/could have done that better, then the inner voice will win every time.  You will be sending out the negative energy, and the negative will come back to you. In spades.

Why can't everyone just stop it then? Because we can't always hear ourselves. We all hide from our inner voice in different ways. For me, it was staying busy, keeping it at bay. For some it is doing for others, but never taking time to do for themselves. Whatever strategy you've developed over time to ignore that voice, you need to learn how to slow down and really listen.

Because if you aren't really listening to what your inner voice is thinking --- simply saying positive things but inside thinking the same old negative ones --nothing will change. You are going to have to dive deep, slow down, learn to listen to your real inner voice before you can truly change what you attract.

And the first step is to pay attention to where you are spending your energy -- your thinking energy. So, where is your energy going?

P.S. Clearly I am a work in progress, and have so much more to learn, absorb and observe. I'll start with this: Look down, check shoes.

"Worrying is using your imagination to create something you do not want."

Hopefully you are not one of those people who is never able to remember your dreams--if so you could be missing out on some important messages from your inner self.

I remember my dreams nearly every night. It is the way I process my never ending thoughts. When the same dream repeats itself (what feels like all night long),  I often wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. As things heat up in my life, my dreams tend to intensify. I've learned that remembering my dreams --or at least the key parts of them -- tells me a lot about what my true self is feeling.

Question of the Week #24 / Do you remember your dreams?

As far back as I can remember I've had recurring dreams and I have always been curious as to their meaning. I now own a couple of dream books and I have the answers.

According to Dream Expert Cynthia Richmond, "not paying attention to our dreams is silly". She says it is a message from our subconscious mind and one of the reasons we dream is actually part of our internal stress management.

I'm apparently not alone in my recurring dreams. According to dream expert Laurie Loewenberg, most of the dreams I commonly have are on the Top 10 list.  My recurring dreams are about tornadoes, dirty bathrooms, being back at school and forgetting an exam, teeth falling out, finding money and flying (although I haven't "flown" in my dreams in a while).

Analyzing these dreams and recognizing what they stand for has really been eye opening to me.

For example, my school dream is the second most popular dream on the list. I usually show up to class, and it seems I have skipped a few, only to find I have an exam that I didn't know about, let alone study for. Interpretations say that means  I am either feeling unprepared for something, or that I will have negative consequences via an upcoming test of some sort, because I have not done what I said I was going to do.

The dirty bathroom dream is a far more common dream than I ever thought and is without a doubt the MOST common dream I personally have. It isn't always the same, sometimes the bathroom is so dirty I cannot get into the stall, but I have to go so badly I know I will have to wade into the "crap", sometimes I am just in wandering halls in search of a clean stall and cannot find one even though I am getting desperate, other times I find myself already in a stall that is filthy and overflowing or becomes so after I go to the bathroom. The worst is when I am sitting in a stall that is visible to everyone. How can I possibly wipe with people watching me? It usually ends up with me getting the messiness of the bathroom on me. Ick.

There are various interpretations to this dream: I need to eliminate something from my life, I'm feeling exposed by whatever needs eliminating, I have a lot of "crap" to deal with, and one that made total sense to me years ago-- that I was lacking time to myself/or private time. This  dream is less common in the last few months, yet last night I actually dreamed a new version of it. I actually had crap in my pants and was unable to take care of it because I didn't want others to see what had happened!

That  is one perceptive dream --I believe it means that I don't want others to see that I am in the process of letting go of some built up crap, so that I can move on.

The second most common dream I have is of a tornado approaching. It used to be that I ran from it in a panic and I'd wake myself up to avoid getting destroyed by it.  It was scary and I always woke with my heart pounding. For a time I would dream of it coming, I'd see it across the lake or field, then I'd be able to get to shelter but would instantly start worrying about the rest of my family. I would usually wake myself up from this version as well, heart pounding. My latest version of the dream has me seeing it coming, watching it as I move toward shelter, figuring out my family is safe and then being relieved when it either veers off in another direction or narrowly misses me.  I think it is a good sign that I do not feel the need to wake myself up from the dream anymore.

This dream is about worry, and worry that is spinning out of control, or involves bracing for impact that might or might not come. As I let go of the control I have always yearned for over my life, the tornado dreams have slowed, almost stopped completely. Oh the nights of sleeplessness I tossed and turned through, worrying about things totally out of my control...silly.

I also have a recurring dream about my teeth crumbling and falling out. This signifies "loose speech" and it involves a person saying something without thinking, something they regret. This dream is less common than it once for me. I think not only am I more careful with my words, I am also more deliberate in how I say things.

And then there is the money dream. Ever found a nickel, then a little further down the road found some quarters, then piles of coins? In my dream I was giddy, I thought I was rich--I used to dream this so often and was always so disappointed when I woke up to find I didn't really find money.

The dream book says that coins are significant --- and my dreams were always about finding coins, never dollars. Coins in dreams refer to your own self-worth, or to change that needs to be made or is already taking place in your life. Or it can refer to a decision, and it could be telling the dreamer that "there are two sides to every story", in other words don't rush to judgment. It is common to dream of finding money when you have financial difficulty in waking life. Interesting and comforting that as I grow older and wiser, and more open to my life, I have this dream less and less often.

Did you know that even if you rarely remember your dreams, there are ways you can train your brain to begin remembering them? I've never had to do this, but I have heard testimonials that it does work. That is awesome news considering all the things we can glean from the interpretation of our dreams. They can shed light on our state of mind, our health, and our overall well-being.

Wishing you sweet dreams and the ability to learn via your dreams. Care to share any recurring dreams with me?

Back in May I wrote a post for The Mode Life called In a Perfect World. After events that happened this week, I was actually comforted by words from my own post.Excerpt...

"But in the end, it isn’t about us. It’s about letting our kids make their own choices and their own mistakes. The consequences are theirs to own. It isn’t a reflection of how I have parented. It isn’t about me at all. And if at the end of the day we have given it our best effort and offered our most honest attempt to show them the way, and yet they still choose a path different from what we would have chosen for them; it is not our fault.

There I said it. It is not my fault. "

As mothers, we often we second guess our parenting skills. I've learned lately that crap is inevitably going to happen, no matter how much we try to circumvent it.

How we respond to that crap makes a big difference in how it will play out within our everyday lives. I choose to respond* to this week's situation, rather than to just react. Meaning I didn't go all bat shi** crazy (even if deep down I really wanted to).

It worked. I was calmer, I was more effective, and I felt better about my actions. I will not always be able do the right thing, but I plan to use this newfound control when faced with the next crisis and see where it leads me.

For the full post, click here.

*It's Not About You: A Little Story About What Matters Most in Business by Bob Burg & John David Mann (p. 40 - 52)